The Three Musketeers

Paul W.S. Anderson’s version of The Three Musketeers is a movie supposedly based on the classic novel by Alexander Dumas.  This is IMDB’s summation of the film’s plot.  I completely disagree with it.  The hot-headed young D’Artagnan along with three former legendary but now down on their luck Musketeers must unite and defeat a beautiful double agent and her villainous employer from seizing the French throne and engulfing Europe in war.

My problem with this movie is simple, the story is horrible.  I think that the characters aren’t really people you can care about.  The Musketeers personalities are based on their fighting styles.  Athos is a silent assassin who has a plan for everything.  Aramis is a priest and only fights when he has to and says a prayer after every set of kills.  Porthos is a jolly man who kills men using heavy weapons, usually sticks.  D’Artagnan is a swordfighter just like his father who is a retired Musketeer.  I hated all three villains in this film mainly because they weren’t fighting the Musketeers towards a specific personal goal.  Milady is played by Mila Jovovich who is also the wife of the director of this film.  Milady is the eye candy of the film and is a villain who chooses to side with whoever has the most power.  In other words, she’s an opportunist.   Christoph Waltz from Inglorious Bastards fame plays a cardinal in Louis XIV court who is trying to break up the king’s marriage to his queen to try and gain power in Europe.

This film doesn’t work because it’s an excessive action film with no solid story.  The characters aren’t memorable and the dialogue is atrocious.  All for one and none for me.  Three Musketeers and one bad film.